Post by Lex Collins on Aug 1, 2017 10:27:32 GMT
Virginia Beach || July 30, 2017 (off camera)
"Goddamn fuckin' bullshit." He couldn't keep the words from slipping out, oblivious to the fact that the sun had already come up an hour ago. The only thing that mattered was a pointless and wholly circular argument on social media – one he knew he wasn't going to win. They didn't care about how wronged he felt.
"You okay, baby?" Jana's voice was soft, hesitant, cutting through his anger effortlessly.
"Oh yeah. Spectacular," he couldn't keep the sarcasm at bay, "pretty sure FAW's gonna fire me – shouldn't've gone that far but I..." he trailed off, biting his tongue. He didn't want to tell her that right now he needed that supplemental income. He needed them to see him as a bankable commodity.
She sat up in bed, the sheet held against as she looked over at him sitting on the small love seat in their bedroom. His side of the bed was stone cold and she knew he'd been there all night. "You know you could just give your notice, right?"
A wry chuckle passed his lips as he shook his head. "I could if that was..." he blinked, catching himself in the act of censorship again. "I wanted to fight. They don't give two shits about me."
"Tough situation. They don't care so you're making them care, but in reality, you just simply want out because they don't care." She bunched up the sheet around her, wrapping it slightly as she walked over and sat beside of him on the love seat.
"They," his gaze was drawn down to the phone in his hand as it lit up but Jana deftly plucked it from between his fingers. He sighed, letting her take it, knowing it was for the best. "Don't like how they make me feel. I'm not just some random number. Not some body fillin' a space..." he broke off, "my fuckin' hand hurts. An' I..." swallowing hard, he looked over at her as she turned his phone off completely, setting it aside. "I need to tell you what happened yesterday... after my fight."
"You got caught in the rain," she snuggled up beside him, taking his left hand with both of hers, softly massaging it with her thumbs. "Tell me what else happened." She flashed a comforting smile.
It was that trust that did him in. No hidden agenda – no games and no power plays. He swallowed hard, watching her fingers work the stiffness from his joints with a level of expertise that humbled him completely. "I did. I went for a walk. I went to the ATM a few long blocks away… I was gonna get some cash, surprise you with somethin' special for dinner. Instead," he sighed, keeping his eyes downcast, "my checkin' account – the one I use for my day-to-day stuff... it's... every cent I've made this year was in there an' it's gone. More fuckery. I went to try an' see Mayfield about it and fuckin' Wolfe was there. I... I dunno know what to do."
She focused on him, "are you sure it was them? We have been a lot of places lately; someone might have just skimmed your card."
He hesitated for a few seconds, considering. "Yeah, maybe. I got the bank lookin' into it. Just... every week it's a new thing – the hotel room, the monster, Evan Wolfe tellin' me to take a dive an' then orchestrating that beatin' when I told him to fuck right off. Whole place's fucked up – seems too coincidental. Maybe you're right. Gotta wait 'til I can talk to the fraud people on Monday." He let the rush of words fall off into silence, glancing over at her. "I don't like feeling like a fool. And right now, God, I do."
She lifted his left hand up to her lips, kissing it softly. "You're no fool, Lex. Shoot has you sensitive to things and FAW.... they seem numb to what you're trying to say. You care, if you have one fault, it's that you give a damn." She took his right hand, watching him grimace at the contact. She looked down at the swollen hand, then back up at him. "This one hurts, doesn't it?
He nodded, ashamed, "punched the wall. Surprised I didn't break it."
"Did the wall owe you money?" She stifled a giggle. "I mean, I could go rough it up like I did the spare bathroom we're renovating." Her smile broadened then switched back to a concerned look as her hands caressed his. "Sorry, just trying to levitate the situation."
He managed a small smile, "appreciate that. I tried to hit Wolfe. Missed. An' I know I shoulda kept hold of myself but..." he bit his lip, digging his teeth in so hard he almost drew blood, steeling himself against her touch. For a moment, it had been too much like Hannah checking him over after one of Clay's beat-downs. He took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds, "told me 'go home'. Wasn't the same voice I heard on the phone – wasn't him, Jana. I was so damned sure, too. That's what's kept me up all night. I can't think of anyone else who'd wanna…"
"I thought the bed was missing something last night," she didn't chastise or judge him. Instead she lifted his injured hand and softly kissed it. "See? You care. For better or worse, you do. That's why you're upset about the BS going on here, with FAW, the needling from Cruz-"
"Blocked him," Lex muttered, earning a gentle laugh as she leaned in and kissed his forehead.
"…and why you're in love with me. I'll take the good with the bad."
"Hey," he felt ashamed of his own childish reactions, "today's just an anomaly. I gave adult Lex the night off," he tried for a joke, smiling tentatively, "maybe I need to sleep a little. Reset."
She nodded and stood, clutching the sheet close with one hand while she held the other out to him. "I think you're right. A good rest will do just that."
He reached out to take her hand but she pulled back. He looked down, not understanding what was happening, missing the impish smile on her lips. He wanted to ask her if she was mad at him, wanted to know if he was imagining things again, jumping at shadows. "You," his voice came out small, "you'll lay with me? Least 'til I fall asleep?"
"Lex," the way she said his name made him look up, seeing her back as she started walking towards the bed. The sheet fell, exposing her nude form to him. "I'll lay down with you," she said, "but you'll need to bring the sheet."
He couldn't help but stare, his heart hammering now – the drama was forgotten, his phone silenced and it could stay that way forever. A smile unseen to him creased her face as she slowly climbed onto the bed, sitting then curling up. She looked over her shoulder to him and gave a very slow wink.
He stepped over the sheet, murmuring, "it's warm enough in here." He crawled towards her on the bed, "don't need money. Don't need fame an' anything else. Just need you to keep looking at me like that."
She watched him, singing a soft melody as he inched closer. "All I need is just a little more time... to be sure what I feel. Is it all in my mind... 'cause it seems so hard to believe…" She stopped singing as his face appeared beside hers, their lips nearly touching, "...that you're all I need." She leaned in, kissing his lips, purring softly.
"I don't know that one," he whispered, "but," he took a breath, "when I'm gone, do you think about me? When you dream, do I make the screen?" His smile was gentle, his singing voice soft, hesitant, those soulful dark eyes of his locked on hers, searching as he sang that Arkells song just for her. "And this love came so easily... can you see our names shinin' up there on the marquee?"
She looked up, thinking for a moment before smiling at him, curling a hand against his cheek. "I adore you because you don’t care where I came from...." she sang it better that him, "just kiss me in the dark while my lips are numb.... And I love every inch of you.... and then some."
She's so perfect. How in the hell did I get so lucky this time around?
He closed his eyes, nodding. "First time I heard that... it... it cut right through all the doubts an' fears. Let it go, had to take the risk on you. I had to know if you felt the same way."
"Lex.... I wasn't sure what to expect," she rested her head against his, "but as more and more time passes, I know. I can't be without you.... and I don't wanna be. The risk," her lips grazed his, "has been worth the reward."
"All of it." He kissed her gently and it grew deeper, more urgent until he broke off, breathlessly murmuring, "...and then some."
"And then some," she kissed him deeply, passionately, rolling him onto his back before crawling on top of him, finally breaking the kiss breathlessly. "And then some."
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Letting out a soft sigh, Lex ran a hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear as he watched her sleep. There was a smile on his face, stripping away the unkind years so that he looked younger, vulnerable in this moment where he was sleepy, shades of the boy he once was, perhaps. He murmured, his voice barely audible. "Never gonna leave you. Now that I've found you… I can't let you go. Promise."
A low sigh escaped her lips as she shifted slightly. Her toes rubbed against his calf as she snuggled closer against him, purring softly against his chest. She wasn't quite awake yet, he could tell, but she was close.
He blinked away the tears that filled his eyes, hoping she didn't notice. His heart was too full, the walls down completely now – how had that happened? Even with Claire he'd still held a part of himself back. He hadn't been able to cross that last barrier. Every since that first night, she'd been inside his walls. "Mmmm, go back to sleep. It's not morning yet."
Her eyes opened slightly as she kissed his chest, feeling his heartbeat on her lips. "Forever..."
He knew what she meant, "forever," he echoed, "plus a day 'cause forever's not long enough." He stroked her hair, kissing the top of her head.
Her eyes closed and a smile appeared as she whispered, "he loves me.... he really loves me..."
Lex couldn't help the soft chuckle at hearing her. "And then some."
"…heard that." She softly whispered, not moving from her spot, "I love you... I really love you.... and then some."
"I know," he said, ripping off that line from Star Wars that had become a sort of joke between them. He felt the pull of sleep, that warm place halfway between asleep and aware making the words come out. "I make so many mistakes. I do the wrong things, say stuff when I should shut up. I... I don't second-guess us," his voice dropped to a whisper, the barriers still gone. "You're my angel. I'm..." he trailed off into silence.
The words didn't make sense in context. He wanted to tell her that he was finally whole, that he wasn't going to let the world shatter all the pieces on him again. He wanted to say that he knew now who he was, who he was supposed to be. Instead he fell silent, not wanting her to wake up and see him trying his best to hold back tears. "Love you, Jana. With......everythin'."